Category: Sacred Relationship

Am I co-dependent?

- Amaritday

These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.

Denial Patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never “good enough.”
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others’ anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others’ opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.

Control Patterns:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they “should” think and how they “truly” feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be “needed” in order to have a relationship with others.


Recovery Patterns

http://www.codependents.org/tools4recovery/patterns2.php

Patterns and Characteristics of Codependance is reprinted from the website www.CoDA.org with permission of Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. (CoDA). Permission to reprint this material does not mean that CoDA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication, or that CoDA agrees with the views expressed herein. CoDA is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships and is not affiliated with any other 12 step program.

Copyright © 1998 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. and its licensors – All Rights Reserved

Self Care Without The Guilt!

- Amaritday

by Courtney Long

“Why should I take care of myself? I thought I was supposed to put everyone else’s needs first. And isn’t self-care selfish?”

Self-care is an often misunderstood concept. Taking care of yourself does not mean neglecting everyone else in your life. And BIG NEWS-self-care has nothing to do with being selfish or a “bad” person. Self-care is as essential to life as breathing.

Before I continue, let me clarify how I define self-care. Self-care involves addressing your own basic needs, such as food, water, shelter, sleep, money to live on, etc. It also involves addressing some of your higher needs such as health, love, sense of belonging, etc. Self-care even involves addressing your wants and passions, including hobbies and the activities that make your heart sing and truly bring you joy. It means being nice to yourself. Treating yourself with love and respect. For some people-particularly those in caregiving roles or with demanding schedules-finding 15 minutes a day of peace and quiet to themselves is a loving act of self-care.

Simply stated, self-care involves whatever it takes to make you feel energized, happy, balanced and at ease in this world. For me, self-care involves getting a really good night’s rest…Eating nutritious, energizing foods…Getting in some movement, because my body loves to move….Filling my life with positive people….Having time daily for spirituality…Having fun by dancing, listening to great music, hiking in the mountains, being in the beauty of nature…It also means thinking positive thoughts and talking kindly to myself…which also means that when my inner critic shows up, I get to gently tell her she has the rest of the day off…

Whatever self-care means to you, it is IMPORTANT. Not just important, but VITAL. Vital to your well-being, your enjoyment of life, and your SURVIVAL! If you do not take care of yourself, you will not survive. If you do not feed yourself-physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually-you will starve to death. Lack of self-care leads to a great deal of stress for our minds, bodies and spirits. And unfortunately, a majority of chronic and acute illnesses are linked to high levels of stress. In some ways, neglecting your own self-care is like slowly-or even quickly-ending your life.

Why else might you want to take good care of yourself? Well, if you are a caring person and responsible for the care of family members or others…you cannot give what you don’t have. If you are not healthy, energized and balanced yourself, how can you possibly expect to tend to someone else’s healthy, energy and happiness? If you give, and give and give, and never receive-from others or from yourself-you are left with nothing. Completely void, without anything left to give. I am sure many of you can relate to how that void feels-in your body, mind, and spirit.

My favorite analogy here is a bucket. If your bucket is empty, you have nothing left to give. The more full your bucket, the more you have to give. Life is a constant process of pouring from your bucket, and refilling-giving and receiving. How do you refill your bucket? With self-care, self-love, self-nurturing…by doing all those things that bring you balance and joy. Self-care is the supply of water that will fill your bucket and allow you to continue giving and loving.

I am not suggesting that you engage in so much self-care that you forget everyone else. That would not be good either. I am suggesting a good balance of self-care and care for others.

And one final thought…Self-care is NOT selfish. It is self-preserving. It makes your life flow a LOT smoother. The happier and more balanced you are, the happier and more balanced others around you can be. Taking good care of yourself is actually the most loving thing you can do for others.

So there you have it! 100% certified, bona fide PERMISSION to take good care of YOU. Should anyone try to give you a guilt trip, have them read this article-or send them to me.

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Leave me a comment or e-mail me at Courtney@CaringforYourSpirit.com!

About the Author:
Courtney Long, MSW, LC, CHt is a Transformational Life Coach and Certified Hypnotherapist, trained at the award winning Southwest Institute of Healing Arts in Tempe, AZ. She obtained her Masters Degree in Social Work and Bachelors Degree in Psychology from the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, MI. She is based in Phoenix, AZ yet serves clients worldwide. Courtney’s company, Caring for Your Spirit, LLC supports and inspires caring adults to love and nurture themselves. With compassion and an uplifting, refreshing perspective, Courtney teaches caring adults the importance of self-care, provides vital self-care tools, and empowers her clients to live the fulfilling life of balance, health, happiness and energy that they deserve. Courtney draws on her experience as a Wellness Coach in a corporate setting and as a Geriatric Social Worker for Adult Day Health Centers. Courtney has created & facilitated empowering caregiver support groups and for 10+ years has professionally supported caregivers, seniors and caring adults in obtaining their personal wellness goals and making their own well-being top priority.

Courtney leads empowering workshops & teleclasses. She is a powerful speaker, a member of the Alzheimer’s Association Speaker’s Bureau, and a recognized expert on stress reduction and self-care.

10 Steps to Detect & Stop Secret Self-Sabotage

- Amaritday

It’s a little known – yet much denied fact – that people treat you the way you secretly ask to be treated. Your unspoken request that determines how others behave toward you is extended to -and received by – everyone you meet.

What is your invisible inner life? It’s the way you actually feel – as opposed to the way you’re trying to appear – when meeting any person or event.

In other words, your invisible inner life is your real inner condition. It’s this state of internal affairs that communicates with others long before any words are exchanged. These silent signals from your inner self are what a person receives first upon meeting you. The reading of them determines from that point forward, the basis of your relationship. This unseen dialogue that goes on behind the scenes whenever two people meet is commonly understood as “sizing one another up.” But here’s the point of this introduction.

We’re often led to act against ourselves by an undetected weakness that goes before us – trying to pass itself off to others – as strength. This is secret self-sabotage. It sinks us in our personal and business relationships as surely as a torpedo wrecks the ship it strikes.

Any person you feel the need to control or dominate – so that he or she will treat you as you “think” you should be treated will always be in control of you and treat you accordingly. Why? Because anyone from whom you want something, psychologically speaking, is always in secret command of you.

It would never dawn on any person to want to be more powerful or superior to someone else unless there was some psychic character within him or her that secretly felt itself to be weaker or lesser than that other individual.

Any action we take to appear strong before another person is actually read by that person as a weakness. If you doubt this finding, review the past interactions and results of your own relationships. The general rule of thumb is that the more you demand or crave the respect of others, the less likely you are to receive it.

So it makes no sense to try and change the way others treat you by learning calculated behaviors or attitude techniques in order to appear in charge. Stop trying to be strong. Instead, start catching yourself about to act from weakness. Don’t be too surprised by this unusual instruction. A brief examination reveals its wisdom. Following are ten examples of where you may be secretly sabotaging yourself while wrongly assuming you’re strengthening your position with others.

1. Fawning before people to win their favor.

2. Expressing contrived concern for someone’s well being.

3. Making small talk to smooth out the edges.

4. Hanging onto someone’s every word.

5. Looking for someone’s approval.

6. Asking if someone is angry with you.

7. Fishing for a kind word.

8. Trying to impress someone.

9. Gossiping.

10. Explaining yourself to others.

The next time you feel yourself about to give into any of the above behaviors, give yourself a quick and simple internal test. This test will help you check for and cancel any undetected weakness that’s about to make you sabotage yourself.

Here’s what to do: Run a pressure check.

Here’s how: Come wide awake and run a quick inner scan within yourself to see if that remark you’re about to make, or the answer you’re about to give without having been asked for it, is something you really want to do. Are you about to speak because you’re afraid of some as yet undisclosed consequence if you don’t?

Your awareness of any pressure building within you is proof that it’s some form of fear – and not you – that wants to do the explaining, fawning, impressing, blabbing, or whatever the self-sabotaging act the inner pressure is pushing you to commit.

Each time you feel this pressurized urge to give yourself away, silently but solidly refuse to release this pressure by giving in to its demands. It may help you to succeed sooner if you know that fear has no voice unless it tricks you into giving it one. So stay silent. Your conscious silence stops self-sabotage.

Summary: In any and every moment of your life, you are either in command of yourself, or you are being commanded.

About the Author:
Guy Finley is the acclaimed author of more than 30 books and audio programs on the subject of self-realization, several of which have become international best sellers. His popular works, published in 16 languages, are widely endorsed by doctors, professionals, and religious leaders of all denominations. Among many others, his popular titles include: The Secret of Letting Go, Design Your Destiny, The Lost Secrets of Prayer, Apprentice of the Heart, and Let Go and Live in the Now.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Guy_Finley

Haters by Maya Angelou

- Amaritday


Haters

November 16, 2009

“There are three important things in life – hope, love and faith. Of these three things, the most important is love” – Holy Bible.

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends
all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.

They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters…

That’s why you have to be careful with whom you share
your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can’t
handle seeing you blessed…

It’s dangerous to be like somebody else… If God
wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right?

You never know what people have gone through to get what they have…
The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don’t know my story…
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the
fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!

We’ve all got some haters among us!

Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with God
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man / woman to hit the curb (if he / she isn’t about the right thing)
e) Raise your children without both parent being in the home

Haters can’t stand to see you happy.
Haters will never want to see you succeed.

Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side.

How do you handle your undercover haters?

You can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are (VERY IMPORTANT!!)

2. Having a purpose to your life:
Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled.
A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be.
Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.

3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation.

Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live…when its your time to leave this earth, you ‘want’ to be able to say, ‘I’ve lived my life and fulfilled ‘my’ dreams,… Now I’m ready to go HOME!

When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters,
‘Don’t look at me…Look at Who is in charge of me….’

What She Needs From You!

- Amaritday

Come Here Or Get It Somewhere Else!<—Click here for

Ken Kendall’s Blog – What She Needs From You! Thoughts on taking care of your wife!
November 3, 2009

It is not important where you get good information, it is only important that you get good information. As you can imagine, I am a little biased in my belief that good information is available to all of you right here. But I can assure you that this blog is not exhaustive nor does it cover many specific ideas and questions. So you may have to check out many sources in your endeavor to get the help you need for your marriage.

It is rarely difficult to understand the truth once you have found it. The work is in the finding of the truth. Once you have determined that you do in fact need help and information that you do not currently have, the next step is to locate the source or sources that posses what you are looking for.

As you can surely imagine, there are so many resources available on the web, through blogs and reference websites. Additionally, there are thousands of books available, many of which address topics ranging from very general to pin-point specific. And while I love the ease in which you can research specific topics on the web, there are times that nothing will be as beneficial as talking with someone directly. Whether that be a family member, a mentor, a pastor, or even a counselor. All of these can be very advantageous depending on your relationships and individual circumstances.

The first step is to acknowledge that you have a need. Second, that you are willing to do the work that will be required to bring benefit to your situation. Third you have to go to the source of the help. And finally, you have to implement your plan for remedy.

Take the time to write down as specific as you can be, what you think the problem is. Try to outline the cause and effect of the problem. Look at both parties to the situation and honestly examine what your own involvement is in the problem and the solution. You might find that in doing so you will be able to answer some of the questions you have on what you can do right now to help. ~ KK

Toxic Relations – Friends Family Lovers!

- Amaritday

Would you know if you were in a toxic relationship? Are you dealing with toxic family members or people in your life who manage to drag you down, make you feel angry, worn out, deflated, belittled, ridiculed or confused? Are you dealing with conflicts and problems because of a toxic parent, sibling, co-worker, spouse, friend, toxic in-laws or other extended family members? Are toxic family members causing stress, anxiety and even symptoms of depression during the holidays and special occasions, a time that is supposed to be about family, love and togetherness?

Most of us could write a laundry list of names of people who make us feel miserable whenever we’re around them, spewing their noxious negative attitudes, behaviors and gossip like nauseating toxic waste. Have you ever wondered what makes toxic people tick, or why some family members have the tendency and inane ability to be two-faced in their relationships with others in the family?

Who Are Toxic People?

Toxic people are extremely negative, miserable, whiny, jealous, inconsiderate, financially irresponsible and entitled, manipulative, narcissistic, selfish, disrespectful, gossip mongers, mentally and emotionally abusive bullies who have no boundaries. Everyone and anyone is fair game for toxic people, with toxic relationships creating undo stress and anxiety for everyone involved. If you are dealing with these problems and conflicts in your life, know that you are not alone.

According to mental health specialists and psychologists, toxic people are “highly insecure people who only feel better about themselves if they make others feel worse, and they make up about ten percent of the population. A toxic person, including family members and in-laws, cause over 50% of all communication and relationship stress in others, health problems such as headaches, stomach pain and digestive problems, due to negative baggage brought on from low-esteem”.

Understanding how low self-confidence and low self-esteem causes some people to grow up to become toxic adults may help you feel better about yourself. However, having some understanding, compassion and empathy for bad childhood experiences and memories that continue to fester and linger in their personalities does not change the fact that their toxic attitudes and behaviors will continue until you stop allowing them to hurt you and your life.

Toxic people are this way because they can and often do get away with it, and it works well for them. If it didn’t work, and work very well, they wouldn’t continue doing it.

Toxic People Will…if not dealt with:

1. Rob us of our dignity.
2. Destroy our self-confidence.
3. Increase our stress levels.
4. Cause health problems.
5. Destroy our morale.
6. Destroy family relationships.
7. Foster negativity.
8. Decrease productivity.
9. Get you fired from your job.
10. Drive you to bankruptcy.

How to Deal With Toxic People and Family Members:

Recognize that toxic people have issues within themselves, and their toxicity has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. In life, everyone has to take personal responsibility for their own choices, attitudes, actions and behaviors. Toxic people do not do this. You become their personal target. They habitually turn things around and manipulate you to the point where you feel bad, you feel guilty, you feel like you are at fault, therefore responsible for their problems.

You may even begin to feel like you’re “going crazy” or “losing your mind”, wondering if you have become the victim of a psychopath desperately trying to manipulate and control you. Once you recognize the toxic behaviors that are engulfing your life and health, it allows you to take your power back.

Keep emotionally toxic people from ruining your health and happiness by setting limits and personal boundaries, assertively speaking up for yourself, and standing your ground. Don’t make someone else’s problems your own, but physically and mentally distance yourself from the negative and toxic people in your life, which may or may not include cutting the person out of your life entirely.

Knowing what it means to “let go” of negative people, along with their personal demons and issues, allows you the strength and determination needed to live your life without the constant barrage of criticism that can easily erode your own self-esteem, health and well-being.

Dealing with family members and in-laws can be especially difficult and stressful. If there are family members or in-laws that treat you like their personal doormat, criticizing and ridiculing you for everything and anything, you may have to consider putting a strict limit on how often you associate with them, if at all.

Holidays and special occasions can quickly become a dread, where just the thought of being around toxic relatives or friends causes your blood pressure to rise to unhealthy levels. You have the right to decide who to associate with and who not to associate with, who is or isn’t invited or welcome to step foot into your home, including toxic family members.

Toxic people need years of in-depth therapy, not you. You can’t change their attitudes or behaviors, but you can change yourself. You have to decide for yourself how much pushing around you will or will not accept. Allow yourself the personal right to disengage, disassociate, and detach. Use your God-given backbone when dealing with toxic friends, co-workers, family members or in-laws etc, with the understanding that detachment is not a sign that you don’t care but that you are doing what is necessary to preserve your personal health and happiness.

Surround yourself with positive influences, people who genuinely care about you and are supportive of you. These loved ones are a great defense and support group against the negativity of all kinds of toxic relationships or toxic family members, allowing you to choose for yourself to no longer be a victim of their malicious and abusive behaviors.

See: People Pleasers and Doormats as well as Abused Men: Battered and Emotionally Abused Male Victims of Domestic Violence for more.

Are you dealing with problems and conflicts of being in a toxic relationship? Do you struggle with how to respond and react to ridicule and criticism from toxic family members? Share your personal story or even ask a question by leaving a comment below.

Toxic Relationships – Toxic Family Members

How to Be Happy – Some Helpful Hints

- Amaritday

1. Be attentive to yourself. Avoid the media i.e newspapers, telly etc they just inform you of all the unhappy and negative things that are going on around the world and in other peoples’ lives.

2. Live in the now, the moment.

3. You cannot change the past so do not worry about it.

4. You cannot predict the future so don’t worry about it.

5. Realize you cannot change other people, so either accept them for who they are or gravitate towards those who do make you happy.

6. Exercise. You don’t have to be wonder woman or superman, but exercise releases endorphins that will naturally pick up your mood.

7. Learn to let your mind be quiet for 10 minutes a day. Just sit/lay somewhere quiet and comfy and close your eyes. When a negative thought pops into your mind just mentally ask yourself “what am I thinking now?” move on to a positive thought, and every time a negative thought comes into your mind repeat the process it does not matter whether you have 10 minutes of asking “what am I thinking now” you will be pulling your mind away from negativity. This is training your mind to think what you WANT it to think rather than let it go feral and throw anything at you. Over time you will be able to just sit quietly and literally think of nothing, this enables your mind to become more capable of feeling relaxed and happy.

8. Jump up and down on the spot as many times as you can. I have no idea why but it always makes me giggle when I do it!

9. Listen to music you adore, that lifts your heart and makes you want to dance.

10. Do something that makes you feel good, it doesn’t matter what it is or how small it is just a little something to bring you joy.

11. This one sounds way too easy, but, smile. Simply by letting yourself smile will bring your happy levels up.

12. Read regularly and widely, articles, books anything that has a positive, or happy theme to it, if it makes you laugh out loud, even better!

13. Stand tall, breath slowly and deeply. I am only 5 ft 1″ and I can manage it. It is another very simple thing but if you stand with your head held high and shoulders back you will look and feel more positive. Breathing deeply and slowly helps relax, and stops panic. Think about it for a moment if you had just been told you had won something you would sit up straight and laugh or smile. So always feel like a winner!

14. Everything is about thought, so only think happy and positive thoughts. Your feelings and emotions are a guide to your thoughts and alert you to what you are thinking. So pay attention to how you feel. If you are not feeling good use technique no. 7 to halt your thought pattern. Then find something nice to think about. You don’t have to trawl your memory for something good that may have happened, just simply stop and look around you and appreciate something in your line of vision or range of hearing maybe someone is wearing a jumper in your favorite color, or has spiky hair that makes you smile. Maybe you can hear people laughing or even the strange swooshing noise cars make as they whiz past. It’s the simple art of stopping your negative thoughts in their tracks that lifts your mood, then finding something to appreciate raises it further.

15. Appreciate things in your life you want to change, as they give you the direction in which you need to go to move forward. Knowing what you don’t like automatically leads you to know what you do like.

16. Keep your space at work/in the vehicle/at home tidy it will give you a sense of breathing space in your mind.

17. De-clutter your life. If you haven’t used/worn/noticed you owned/not known what something is for, for 6 months or more get rid/throw away/sell/donate to charity/give to a friend who would love it. This will then free up space for you to obtain something wonderful that you do want, will use/wear/play/listen to/read/sit on etc.

18. Write a list of things that really make you happy and try to re-introduce them into your life. Remember this is a list of things that make YOU happy, don’t try to make other people happy, they do that for themselves.

19. Always focus on what you do want and never on what you don’t. Imagine you have a little pixie/fairy/god/goddess/badger that is around you at all times listening in on your thoughts and as soon as it hears a want it goes to sort out getting them to you. So always think positively e.g:

“Wouldn’t it be great if I had a fantastic day at work”
off it pops to get you a fantastic day at work or

“wouldn’t it be superb if I owned an Overfinched Range Rover*”
(*other dream cars are available that is just mine!)
So off it goes again to get your dream car.

Keep away from the negative listings i.e

“my money isn’t going to be in the bank yet”
as off your little dream maker will go to make sure that your money will not be there. Or

“I don’t want this car it’s awful”
your dream maker has just heard you say “want this awful car”, so off it goes on its quest for a car with no wheels.

20. Sing out loud. Find your favorite song and sing your little heart out.

To sum it all up finally, remember this is YOUR life and YOUR experience only YOU can live it there is little point in jumping through hoops to please somebody else, only please yourself. This is not a selfish thing to do as when you are happy you make those around you happy, when those around you are happy they make those around them happy and so it continues! So YOU being happy will effect far more people than you ever imagined.

GO FORTH AND BE HAPPY!!

by Cathi Gaughan

Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?How-to-Be-Happy—Some-Helpful-Hints&id=3973804

Trolls, Dream Stealers and Frienemies

- Amaritday

You don’t have to go very far to find negativity. Just watch the news, listen to the radio, even on the internet and in social media, it can feel like where ever people gather, complaining, whining and negativity will follow.

Keep your attitude positive, and you’ll find more things to be positive about. Life will get better, you’ll feel happier. The secret is surrounding yourself with good people, and avoiding the rest. Avoid these 3 people if possible:

Troll. Trolls are funny creatures. They lie waiting for someone to say something and then BOOM they will swoop in and burst the bubble.

A troll is someone who comes in and says something destructive to you or about you, with no purpose other than to cause a reaction. You probably don’t even know this person. This happens a lot online. Through email, Facebook, Twitter and on blog, people are able to say things they wouldn’t dare do face-to-face.

· When a troll comes into your life, delete the message instantly (if possible).

· Do not reply to it.

· Do not try to soothe the person.

· All they are looking for is attention, so by not giving it to them you win and they will disappear. (If they don’t you have a completely different kind of toxic person – a stalker, and you should notify authorities and report the person).

Dream-Stealer. This person likes to be realistic. You have some exciting news, or a great idea, or a big dream and all they want to do is make you see all the possible chances for failure. They say things to make you doubt yourself. They also love to be right and will do what they can to make sure that they’re right and you’re wrong. They also enjoy being able to say, “I told you so.”

· Simplest way to deal with a Dream-Stealer is to protect your good news.

· If you have something to share, got a great idea, or have an opportunity coming up do not tell this person first. Tell others first. This protects yours positive energy.

Frienemy. This someone who is a Friend and an Enemy. I encourage you to look at this kind of friend…is someone who treats you this badly really a friend? How do you know you have one?

· You dread calling them if you have good news.

· You always feel worse after spending time with them.

· You have been friends for a long time, but aren’t sure why you have kept in touch.

· You become someone you don’t like when you’re with them. (whiny, complainy, negative).

· If you have a frienemy….talk to them about it if you want to remain friends (they may not be aware of it)

· If you don’t want to remain friends just stop spending so much time with them. If avoiding them bothers you, tell them outright that you are in different places in life and have nothing in common any more.

Toxic people have a way of draining the life energy from you, leaving you negative, numb and unsure of how to deal with them.

These kinds of toxic people can be really hard to deal with alone.

By Kimberly Englot

Note from the Author:
If you are currently dealing with a “Troll,” “Dream-Stealer” or “Frienemy you’ll want to join me for the Happiness & Harmony Makeover, where I’m covering in detail exactly what to look out for AND how to deal with these kinds of negative people in your life. It’s FREE and you can sign up at http://kimberlyenglot.com/hhteleseminar.

Kimberley Englot teaches success-driven women how to create the life vision they crave, have the courage to pursue it and live it from a purely authentic place so they can enjoy all the happiness, freedom and success they deserve. She is the founder of the Center of Authentic Self Development. Learn more about her programs and gain access to FREE coaching, inspiration & advice at: http://www.kimberlyenglot.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?Trolls,-Dream-Stealers-and-Frienemies—How-to-Identify-and-Deal-With-Toxic-People&id=3786523

Positivity

- Amaritday
Again the universe sends me something to set my head right stay my course, but I have some things to work through & feel on very shaky ground but I have to just leave it to clear breathe center & focus! I ll be back on my square soon enough!

How To Stay Positive With A Negative Vibration Friend, Spouse Or Partner!

People who are making the change to a conscious and spiritually-driven life often discover that they are yoked to someone who is not prepared to come along on that journey. The partner is mired in his or her own negative thoughts and emotions, and meets any topic of spiritual enlightenment, positive vibration and conscious creation with a wall of resistance. Don’t despair…lots of others have gone through this phase too, and come out on the other side with a happier life. Let’s look at what you can do in this situation:

• Stay in your positive vibration state. Don’t allow your spouse or mate to pull you out of alignment with the Universe. When you feel yourself drawn into it, take a walk, go play with the kids, read a book, go have lunch with your best friend… and continue to think and feel positive about yourself, your life and the good qualities in your partner.

• Create a sacred place in your home where you can go to meditate, clear your chakras, express gratitude, Consciously Create, connect with the Universe, —activities that keep your frequency high. Ask your partner to respect this private time, so that you can “recharge.” This recharging should continue to buttress you against his or her negativity.

• Demonstrate how your life has changed by just being happier, more upbeat, less stressed…and soon your partner may want to know what it is that has changed you and how he can he/she get some of it!

• By changing how you respond to things, your spouse is bound to have to adjust. If you are doing something different, that will change the dynamic between you and within the family. Your partner will have to adjust in some ways to meet or stay up with the new you.

• Visualize a harmonious relationship. See your relationship changing and your partner opening up to greater dialogue, a more open-minded attitude and a willingness to explore new avenues—new ways of thinking. Take your focus off of what is WRONG, and put it on what is right and what you desire.

• Throw your “love net” around him or her. I really believe this is an empowering tool to create waves of love that generate vibrational change. See yourself throwing the net of positive loving energy over your mate and yourself, so that it will allow him/her to release the negativity in a net of safety and acceptance. This changes the raises vibration between the two of you, and floods him or her with your loving, positive energy.

• Each day of the week, spend five minutes telling your partner one or more of the things you love about him or her. Your partner will be delighted to hear praise instead of complaints! It may well begin to shift his/her expectations, mood and outlook.

• Focus on making the present moment the very best and most enjoyable you can and vision for the future. Release the past. Don’t reintroduce old patterns, hold him or her to past behavior by bringing up how it’s been previously, and make sure that you don’t fall back into old negative repetitive interactions yourself. Let go of the anticipation that your partner will respond in “the same old way.” Leave the door open for change and possibility. Create a new pattern of interaction through your change of emotions, thoughts and energy habits.

• Present your partner with positive alternatives. When he or she focuses on the negative, gently demonstrate what alternative thought, emotion or perception may further his or her desire. Be a teacher, but do it gently, don’t force-feed these concepts.

• Become a Master Manifestor. As you raise your frequency, good things will increasingly come to you at your beckoning. If your spouse or partner gets jealous, point out that he/she can do this too if he/she follows your path. Then hand your partner a copy of The Art of Conscious Creation!

• Accept that the Universe is creating an opportunity to test how effectively you can maintain your own positive energy in the face of a challenge!

• Lastly, and this is the most extreme outcome, if you have tried all of these over time and you find yourself in a situation that is not emotionally healthy for you, you may have to leave the relationship. It is when the negatives outweigh the positives, with little prospects for change, that you have a responsibility to your ebullient and joyful soul to find an alternative lifestyle either alone or with a more positively-disposed and spiritually aware partner. Remember, even when there are children involved, they fare better with at least one happy parent, rather than two miserable ones

~ Jackie Lapin
theartofconsciouscreation.com
starseeds.net

Shared with Love and Light
xXx Bella ♥ ♥ ♥

By:. . ✫ . .☽☀THE☽SACRED☆JOURNEY ★

Tips For Squelching Your Anger!

- Amaritday

What a great article! I can always use advice that keeps my compass pointing true north:)

Tips for squelching your anger By Gretchen Rubin

One of my worst faults is my quick temper. I’ve been working hard to control my anger—by not expressing it, or even better, not feeling it.

The problem with that familiar advice about “counting to 10” is that I can never remember to do it. Here are some strategies that do work for me, when I manage to use them.

1. Don’t give in to my anger. Many people believe in the “catharsis hypothesis” and think that expressing anger is healthy-minded and relieves their feelings. Not so. Studies show that expressing anger only aggravates it. I’ve certainly found this to be true; once I get going, I can whip myself into a fury. It’s better to stay calm.

2. Let the sun go down on my anger. I tend to get irritated with the Big Man at night, probably because I’m tired. Now I force myself to wait until the next day to berate him about this or that. And the next morning, my anger is completely gone.

3. Accept blame. I hate being in the wrong, and often snap back when people find fault with something I’ve done. Now I really try to pause to ask myself, “Am I in the wrong?” and to respond with gentleness.

4. Ask: “Am I improving the situation?” This works especially well with the Big Girl. If I get angry with her, she has a complete melt-down. It’s unpleasant, but her reactions have sure helped me get better control of myself. Now, when I have the urge to snap, I think, “Is this going to help the situation?” And the answer is always NO.

5. Find “an area of refuge.” I lifted this phrase from a sign near an elevator at Yale Law School—it struck me as funny. Research shows that when people’s thoughts are unoccupied, brooding sets in. So I try to “find an area of refuge” in my mind; that is, to dwell on serene thoughts instead of brooding and fussing. Along the same lines…

6. Distract myself. Indulging in “overthinking”—dwelling on trifling slights, unpleasant encounters, and sadness—leads to bad feelings. I can enrage myself by obsessing on some petty annoyance. In what the Big Man calls the “downward spiral,” I begin to rail about every negative episode in recent memory. Now I deliberately distract my thoughts, usually by thinking about some writing question.

7. Ask: am I mad at myself? Martha Beck makes the interesting argument that we brood on other people’s faults when we subconsciously identify with them; what we condemn in other people is what we condemn in ourselves. So now when someone is making me angry, I ask myself, “Can I accuse myself of the same fault?” In a telling bit of psychology, I’ve noticed Beck’s observation to be very true for other people, but not so much for myself! Do I suspect a bit of self-denial might be going on…?

8. Laugh. Humor is the answer to everything (humor and exercise). Now when I absolutely can’t hold back my anger, I at least try to insert a joke, or make fun of myself, or assume a lighter tone as I rant on. So instead of sniping out a comment like “Can you PLEASE just answer my emails so I can deal with these horrible logistics issues?!” I might say something like, “I’m thinking of getting a homing pigeon that will fly to your office and rap on your window with its beak until you send me an answer.” The added advantage of this approach is that no matter how the other person responds, I feel less angry and more light-hearted when I adopt a lighter tone.

*Dear Readers,
My resolution for this month is “Go the extra step.” As part of that, I’m trying to take extra steps to promote my blog – even when that means doing things that make me uncomfortable. (Like attaching this note to a few posts.)

One of the challenges of a blog is just letting people know that it’s there. And so I’m asking you for a big favor.

If you have the time and the inclination, it would be a huge help if you would email anyone you know who might enjoy this blog, to give them the link and tell them a bit about it. Word of mouth is very powerful.

My happiness research predicts that if you do this good deed, you’ll feel great! That’s the Samaritan effect: “do good, feel good.”

I really appreciate your help. Be happy, Gretchen

 

 

Rise Above Challenging Circumstances

- Amaritday

Take a moment to ask yourself: What would be the best thing you could do for yourself, right now, given the incredibly uncertain and stressful times you are facing? What would best prepare you for whatever your life, the economy or other circumstances, might throw at you?

If you watch, read or listen to the media today it’s bad news piled upon more bad news. As a result, most people are stressed and worried.

Most people. Not all people.

Look around you. Expand that vision outward to look from a larger perspective beyond just people you know. There are certainly people who are struggling. Take a closer look. Can you find examples of people who are doing well or are at least successfully overcoming challenges? Are some people recreating themselves so that they can continue on their path to achieving their deepest desires? Some of these people are even helping others do the same.

Why do some people succumb to stressful events while others continue to grow and expand?

Events in and of themselves do not cause stress and worry. It’s how you react and respond to the circumstances in your life that create your life experience, good or bad. If you feel like you’re in a downward spiral of misfortune then you are spending way too much time listening to and acting upon the misguided beliefs of your Inner Critic, the voice of your self-doubt and fear.

“We don’t see things as they are. We see things as we are.” Anais Nin

The truth is, YOU don’t have to feel stressed and overwhelmed by whatever is going on around you, no matter how bad it gets. You absolutely have the power within you to rise above. You are not a victim of your circumstance unless you allow yourself to be.

It’s an amazing thing. You already have the resources within you to achieve your goals even in the most challenging conditions. You just have to learn how to tap into your inner power and wisdom, what I playfully call the Wizard Within, who is the voice of your truth, intuition and inspiration.

It is possible to feel empowered to make resourceful choices, take mindful and deliberate action even in these challenging times that will move you closer to achieving your goals. It is possible to come up with clear-minded solutions that will move you forward instead of backwards in your personal and professional endeavors.

Here is the best thing you can do each and every day to be successful even in the most trying of times:

Focus upon what you CAN do instead of what you cannot do.

1. Ask yourself, “What are 5 things I can do today that will move me closer to achieving my goals?”

2. Do those things!

3. Examine your daily experience. What did you accomplish? Give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done! What didn’t you accomplish? What got in your way? Did you Find Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) to hold yourself back? Know that you have the power within you to rise above. Reach for a newer and better perspective. Add any uncompleted tasks to your intention list to get done the next day.

4. Speak and act only in the direction of your highest achievement.

Before you know it, new opportunities will be revealed. You are now the creator of your experience, no longer a victim of your circumstance.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” – Marianne Williamson

Copyright (c) 2009 Valery Satterwhite

About the Author:
Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Become the hero of your opportunities instead of the victim of your circumstance. Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

How To Detox Your Relationship

- Amaritday
Healing Lifestyles & Spas – Healing Tips
Once the romance and perfection of the falling in love phase passes, most of us settle into a comfortable, predictable groove in our long-term relationships. We get to know each other on deeper levels, we experience more challenges and struggles, and of course, we learn how to push each other’s buttons. Unfortunately, unspoken resentments, criticisms, and half-truths create toxins in relationships. They build up between the two of you, not unlike they do in your body.

If you aren’t consciously filling your relationship with positive, nurturing energy, take the next ten minutes to consider the following: Are you harboring anger or resentment? Like that daily cup of coffee or glass of wine, little gripes add up over time. Do you need to get something off your chest? Remember, the unspoken is a heavy burden on both of you. Finally, when was the last time you expressed genuine gratitude to your partner for their role in your life? Don’t wait for a special occasion, studies show that appreciation is the biggest factor in predicting relationship success. Schedule a date with your beloved, lay your �toxins’ on the table and recommit to keeping your relationship healthy, happy and toxin-free.

GET STARTED NOW:
Try ‘mindful hugging’ before work tomorrow. This non-verbal communication technique helps you connect and lowers your heart rate, allowing you to get out of your head and into your body.

Numerous studies have shown how important great sex is in an intimate relationship. Yet, for many this aspect of their relationship goes neglected. Research has shown that making love not only increases pleasure and intimacy, it also helps foster mental and physical health.